For the M/W 130-13 class only: Blog #4 is due on March 7th, before class. During this section, we will be examining the changing gender roles and family strains. We will also watch the documentary, After Happily Ever After, in addition to the following articles:
Risman: Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work, 393-401
Textbook: Cowan & Cowan, New Families, p. 261-281
Risman: “The Case for Divorce,” and other articles 159-181
What are some common themes in these articles? Contradictions? What can we learn about shifting families formations? Going back to Stephanie Coontz arguments, are these issues anything new?
Also due Wednesday: Outline for xtranormal (references, structure of conversation example, not fully written script)
Sociology of the Family 
Maren Serafine
Blog # 4
March 7, 2012
Throughout time, our society has seen many changes in the approaches and views towards gender roles and family structures. Typically, families were based on strict gender roles, where the women were responsible for the housework and tending to the children, while the men were responsible for bringing in the money and supporting the family. Although this is still the case in some families in the 21st century, we have seen a large change in the approach to these roles- in some cases, these roles have even completely reversed. Along with these gender roles, families have started to take on a less structured and defined attitude, and have become more willing to explore and break free from societal “norms.”
Through two of the articles that we have read, there has been evidence given to support the changes throughout our society, even if the changes are small. Within Philip Cowan and Carolyn Pape Cowan’s article New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers, they use data from their studies to prove that there is more ambiguity and that the strict gender roles are changing as time goes on. Cowan and Cowan state that in “a brief survey of the changing context of family life in North America, that the transition to parenthood presents different and more confusing challenges for modern couples creating families than it did for parents in earlier times” (263). One specific example of this change is that it was once unheard of to live far away from your parents, the grandparents of your children. Yet, “new families are created far from grandparents, kinds and friends, leaving parents without the support of those who could share their experiences of the ups and downs of parenthood,” states Cowan and Cowan, showing that the traditional ways of family building have decreased immensely (263). With the decrease in families having the help from others, families in today’s society are becoming more involved with their own roles as parents. In Oriel Sullivan’s article Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work, it shows that “while women still continue to do more family work than their partners, convergence has been significant, with the result that the total amount of work contributed by men and women in two parent dual earner families- including paid work as well as unpaid family work- is now virtually identical” (393-394). These quotes from both works show that the ways that families function in the 21st century is much different than the traditional ways that families ran decades ago. To strengthen this point, Cowan and Cowan state that “The more traditional the arrangements- that is, the less husbands are responsible for family work- the greater fathers’ and mothers’ postpartum dissatisfaction with their overall marriage” (271). This shows how the times have changed immensely, and how the ways that families once ran is not how successful families carry on today- rather, the families that share the work and the views on the house work and children are those who succeed the most. The issues on the gender dynamics are a somewhat new issue that has become a greater topic in the past decade or so, as families have started to challenge the traditional roles and create a family based on their beliefs not societies. Both articles discuss how family life depends on the fact that both parents are on the same page, in all aspects of life, including child birth timing and options, family work, outside work roles and partner happiness. Sullivan states that “For routine housework, the time fulltime employed women with children aged five to fifteen living with them spent in these activities decreased by under one hour per day while the time fulltime employed men with children of the same age spent went up by about twenty minutes per day,” (397). This shows, as both articles do, that the idea of gender consciousness has changed, and that we are in a continuing revolution of change within families. The differences in these two articles is that Cowan and Cowan present more information on the decision of to have or not have children rather than just the idea of child bearing. Yet, both articles touch on the fact that once a child is born, the responsibility to care for that child has increased on the men’s side, rather than the woman being non-stop responsible for the children. This itself shows change as well.
The shifting family formations can show a lot about today’s society, as we often tend to take a more liberal view on situations such as child bearing and gender roles, and because of that, we are willing to break the societal norms that once were. Shifting family formations allow a broader opening for variety within the family, allowing each individual to follow a path that they would like. Some men enjoy doing housework and caring for the kids and were restricted from doing so in society in the past decades because the men were supposed to be the “bread-winner.” Yet, now that the societal norms are changing, women have the ability to be the bread-winner and are more capable of following their dreams at work, with the support of a husband who is willing to care for the kids and do housework.
I found a link discussing the book called “The Daddy Shift” by Jeremy Adam Smith, where he discusses the reversed traditional roles within a family, and the struggles and successes that modern families have faced.
I feel that this link is a great way to show how families have progressed over time, and how the connection between parents who understand and build on these changes is a strong one. The traditional family was a style of life that worked many years back, but as times change and we have come into a new style of life, I think that the changes families have taken are great both for individuals themselves, and the families as a whole. With a greater understanding of equality in housework, childbirth decisions, and practices of child bearing, I think that it is very beneficial for both parents to take a greater role and to share the practices and family decisions! Families today face many more challenges than those of the past, and through strength of individuality and strength as a unit, I believe that families can succeed!
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip and Carolyn Pape Cowan. “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers.” Family in Transition. Sixteenth Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281.
Print.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families as They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407. Print.
A common reoccurring theme between the movie and the articles was the idea of the modern female being different from the female of the past. The woman of the past according to the film After Happily Ever After had to be specialized in tasks such as sewing and being able to prepare home-cooked meals because it was a cheaper solution but now women can work outside of the home which contributes more. In the past it would have cost quite a bit of money to buy pre-made products and get clothing repaired professionally so women learned these tasks as a way to make their contribution to the family which made it impossible for them to have a job outside the home. According to the article “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers” “only 18 percent of women with a child under six were employed outside the home in 1960, according to the 2000 census, approximately 55 percent of women with a child under one now work at least part time” (263). The role for females has developed far more over the years than that of the male, but that is not to say that males have not helped to contribute to the fact that women now work outside the home far more than they did in the past. In the longitudinal study done by Oriel Sullivan there are data that support the idea that males have begun to contribute to the household more since the 1960s. Research done by Sullivan and Gurshuny showed that “for routine housework, the time full-time employed women with children aged five to fifteen living with them spent in these activities decreased (by just under one hour per day), while the time full-time employed men with children of the same age spent went up (by around twenty minutes per day)” (398). These findings help to conclude that over the years females have had the capabilities to forge their own way within the job market and households.
I agree with the ideas behind the articles and the movie that women are in fact changing. In today’s society women are better able to make decisions on what they would like to do with their own lives. In the article “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers” there is a statistic that stated that approximately 4.5% of women remain voluntary childless, which is something that in the past was not possible. Women were expected to procreate and carry on the genes, and hopefully name, of their husbands and not necessarily given a choice as to whether or not they even wanted to become a mother. I believe that forced procreation leads women to despise their children and make it harder for them to form bonds with the children. The fact that women are now able to make the decision to have children makes it better for the majority of children born because their mothers actually wanted them. My grandmother once told me a story about how her mother never wanted children because of her vanity but her husband expected children. My great-grandfather threatened to divorce my great-grandmother until she basically gave in which lead to her eventual pregnancy. My great-grandmother never wanted her children, which meant that she never really cared for them nor made attempts to bond with them. My grandmother suffered because of this but also vowed to never behave that way towards her own children.
http://www.redbookmag.com/kids-family/advice/i-dont-like-my-child – this article is more of an interesting read and felt that this blog was the best way to incorporate it.
Amelia Chierchie
Beverly Thompson
Sociology of the Family
Blog 4
The start of a family really begins with the concept of two people. Two people get together and used to fit in a certain role. In the documentary one of the interviewees said that marriage was about getting good in laws, then it shifted to young people choosing their mates based on love and attraction. There were certain qualities that deemed you an attractive candidate for marriage and things were expected of you. If you were a man you used to be expected to be the breadwinner of the family while the wife had a traditional role of being the homemaker. Now the only way for marriage to work is to have a relationship with mutual respect and being able to find out what works for both individuals. The concept of traditional roles of men and women have changed, now there are other types of families to consider such as same sex partnerships. Marriage used to be described as an economic advantage because when people get married they became more efficient. Now we no longer look at marriage as an economic advantage besides getting back more money in our taxes, businesses like Walmart created items that were much cheaper to pay for then for a woman to try and make at home. These relationships have moved to a more egalitarian approach where both partners are expected to contribute income to the family and still manage to take care of the household chores and tending the the children’s needs.
In the after happily ever after documentary, they started off with the statistic that 90% of the american population will get married in their life, and that half will end in divorce. I find it interesting that the sole purpose of the documentary was to try and see how her marriage in particular that was going to last, thrive and succeed, which only wound up failing in the end. The question that is most intriguing to me is why do we still accept an institution that is only right about half of the time. Some of the helpful tips to keep a marriage thriving were said to be sex, compromise, and to be blessed with true love. Other than that some more statistics show that most relationships have perpetual issues that are constant 69 % of the time, where as 31% of issues are solvable. The problem with perpetual issues is the concept of grid lock where each person in the relationship holds a fundamental dream about a particular struggle that is occurring and that neither person can understand where the other is coming from. If people were able to be more understanding and more open to expressing their emotions in a positive constructive way then there would be less of these perpetual issues and people would not have to experience divorce as often as they do. Marriage in essence is a way of making the other person feel safe, if people found another way, such as a formal way of saying I trust you, and you have made this relationship safe enough for me and have a relationship based on mutual respect and friendship then they will be better off.
Blog 4
Marriage is perceived in a positive way in that ninety percent of people want to get married. However, half of the people who get married end up divorcing. Many researches are looking into what affects marriage, but there are many factors that contribute. The articles New Families, “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work,” and “The Case for Divorce” all discuss different parts of marriage and what affects it. The film After Happily Ever After interviews many couples to find the “secret” to marriage and their advice on it. The articles and film analyze different aspects of marriage and why marriage is so difficult for over half of married couples.
The article New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers discusses the major transition to parenthood. Parenthood creates disequilibrium in the parent’s sense of self, parent-grandparent relationships, parent-child relationships, relationships with friends and work, and the state of marriage (266). All of these five major topics can quickly add up and consume the parents to a point of exhaustion and possibly result in divorce. Since both parents are now working to support the family, this requires both parents to share duties. The article “Men’s changing contribution to family work” shows a slow, but gradual increase in men’s house hold contributions (397). Fathers must take up new duties due to the time constraints of the other parent. This can be seen as positive for children because they are becoming more involved with both parents. However, I believe this is also limiting important time between the parents. Parenthood is very time consuming, but it is essential to keep the couples intimacy for their sake. Without any “alone” time for partners, this can greatly negatively affect a relationship. However, “The Case for Divorce” states that children, who remain in high-conflict families, where the parents have distressed marriage, are at greater risks for problems (161). So after gradual buildup of distress and frustration between parents, they elect to divorce. Overall, these three articles show the progression of what can result in divorce, which is believed to be better for the kids. The film takes a further look to uncover what qualities help a long lasting marriage.
The film compliments this article by looking deep within couples to see how people can balance the work of parenthood and marriage and still hang onto it. Almost all of the participants interviewed agreed that marriage is very difficult and it takes a lot of work from both partners. Some couples said it was about compromise, respect and having a partnership (film). However, two couples urged that love is “when you can’t imagine life without the other person,” and therefore keeps the marriage together no matter what. One specific form of advice that I liked was how to properly respond to your partner. The elder man suggested that “imagine you have a salt shaker filled with all the different ways of saying yes,” and he explained that marriage masters use this concept to keep couples involved with each other instead of being repetitive over time (film). It shows that you must be acknowledging of your significant other and show them that you care. There needs to be a strong communication to keep problems from building up. Overall, most couples agreed that marriage is never easy and people must truly understand and love their significant other before they get married.
Overall, the articles and film were both very enlightening on how many factors affect marriage and how people deal with them. To me it seems that it is very important to truly know your partner inside and out before committing to marriage and having a family. They must accept the fact that it will be extremely difficult at times, but reassure that they wouldn’t want it another way. All this discussion reminded me of one of my favorite bands, Blink-182. They wrote a song about divorce and its effects on the children involved. It is titled “Stay Together for the Kids” and the music video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1BFHYtZlAU&ob=av2n and lyrics are http://www.lyrics007.com/Blink-182%20Lyrics/Stay%20Together%20For%20The%20Kids%20Lyrics.html. Even though only 10% of kids can suffer mental problems from divorce, there will always be some minor effects of a divorce engraved in the child’s head. This song illustrates the frustrations and hardships with divorce.
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers.” Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281.
Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
Gabrielle Mazzucco
Sociology of the Family
Blog #4
MW 3:40-5
Over the past few decades, the basis for a normal family has been changing. In the mid 1900’s, the women were expected to do the housework while the men were working and making money to provide for their family. Now, the roles of men and women in the family are becoming more equal. We are seeing women become more prevalent in the work force while men are starting to become more of a caretaker. With equality in the household, we are seeing power struggles which have lead to a rise in the divorce rate. With the divorce rate and equality in the family on the rise, it is becoming more difficult to maintain a normal family life.
As women became more involved in the work force, one would expect that men would help contribute around the house more. “For twenty years, research studies concluded that men’s contribution to family work barely changes at a time when women were increasingly joining the work-force. (Sullivan 393)” Women were going to work and still having to contribute the same amount of time to housework and childcare. Since the 1960’s men were, in total, only contributing an average of 20 more minutes a day to childcare and housework.
Aside from not being able to do as much housework, having the woman of the house out in the work force was very beneficial to the family. The male did not have to stress as much about how much money he was bringing home. Bills were more easily paid off and savings funds could be contributed to more often. But why were the divorce rates rising if living conditions were getting better?
There are a few answers to the question of why divorce is becoming more frequent. According the film After Happily Ever After, 90% of people around the world get married and 50% of those marriages end in divorce. In the old days, love was not the first reason for getting married. Some of the reasons for getting married were to have a family and to give a child a good place to grow up in. Marriage was for the benefit of children and not the adults. Nowadays we are seeing love as a couple’s motivation for getting married. The problem with marrying for love is that love dies. In order to have a marriage based on love, the married couple has to really work at making their marriage last. The most important part of a relationship is to have a deep friendship. Without first establishing a friendship, a marriage will almost never last.
Another reason for skyrocketing divorce rates is that divorces are more readily available. It is a lot “easier” to get a divorce now than it was in the early to mid-1900s. By “easier” I mean that now you can file for a divorce, no questions asked. Back in the 1900’s it was very difficult for a woman to divorce a man. The process of divorce is long, stressful, and costs a lot of money. Even though the divorce rate is falling, more people are putting off getting married until a later age or not getting married all-together. I found the YouTube video below very interesting. It is an advertisement for a website that helps you get a divorce for $95. It makes me wonder how many people use this website for obtaining a divorce.
People are having a difficult time adapting to the new-age family lifestyle. We are seeing rises in women in the work force. With women obtaining more of an equal status to men, we are seeing more problems with families all around the world. It is hard to make a marriage work but I think that people are trying less to work things out than they were before because of how easy it is to get a divorce and avoid the situation.
Sources:
Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
Lorin Milazzo
Blog #4
Recent sociological research compared to past sociological research, shows that women’s role in both the family and the work place both as wives and mothers has changed. From 1965 to 1995 women’s average earnings went from $9,800 to $16,000 (Gupta 427). In those same thirty years, the number of hours women spent doing housework dropped from 30.4 hours to 15.8 hours (Gupta 427). While these hours have dropped, husband’s contribution to house work and child care has increased (Sullivan 393). Sullivan explains a reason for this is women who have stopped “doing gender” have started become “gender consciousness” (Sullivan 399). Gender conscious women acknowledge the traditional role of women “doing gender” and bargain against it. While many argue that women’s domestic work has remained unchanged, just the fact men have changed their roles directly effects women’s roles. Simply, if a husband’s role in family contribution changes it effects his wife’s role as well. Sullivan argues the “day-to- day intimate reactions” between husbands and wives has changed. A time, like in the 1960s, when women did the housework, no questions asked, does not commonly exist anymore and where it does is only in much older generations, like the widowed wife in the film After Happily Ever After. What is more common today is more even distribution of labor work, house work, and child care. In 2000, seventy percent of women were employed, compared to only forty percent in 1960 (Lang 35). Inversely, men’s employment has slightly dropped in these years, from ninety percent in1970 to eighty percent in 2005. When comparing women’s increased employment to men’s decreased employment, it is women make large strides in their roles in society away from the traditional stay at home house wife. Furthermore, not only has the wife roles changed in the family but the mother role as well. Today, women are not required to be home with the baby 24/7; they’re allowed to have a life other than their children. Half of mothers today are employed (Hays 41). Further, women are allowed to go back to work after giving birth and leave children with a daycare or a nanny. While the past traditional mother role and today’s working mother role are neither correct or wrong, they are drastically different while proves a drastic difference in women’s roles as mothers. Also they are issues with the traditional stay at home mother’s role that never could have been brought to light without another option. In the 1960s there were no sociological issues with stay at home mothers because there was no other option; today, there are because there is another option; and because there has been change.
Works Cited:
Gupta, Sanjiv. “Briefing Paper: Women’s Money Matters.” Families as the Really Are (2010): 426-29. Print.
Hays, Sharon. “The Mommy Wars.” 40-61.
Lang, Molly Monahan, and Barbara J. Risman. “A “Stalled Revolution” or a Still Unfolding One.” Families as the Really Are (2010).
Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families as They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407. Print.
Trailer for a movie, I Don’t Know How She Does It: A film about a “super mom” or the anti-stay at home traditional mom who juggles her family and a successful career. She exemplifies a war between “mommys.” She faces criticism as found in “The Mommy Wars” and brings to light the advantages of the super mom also found in “The Mommy Wars.”
Mark Walsh: Blog 4
In the film, “After Happily Ever After”, and the 3 articles we read, there is a reoccuring theme about marriage and the changes that have taken place in mainly the last 30 years. The interesting thing about the theme(marriage is changing) is that it is changing for different reasons and different people have different views on this change.
One statistic that stands out is the percentage of people getting married in the United States and the percentage of couples that divorce. About 90% of all the people in the United States will get married and about half of those marriages will end in a divorce.(After Happily Ever After) This statistic draws many questions and people are looking for answers to figure out why this is happening. Stephanie Coontz talked about this in her interview in the film we watched. She said that couples face new challenges mainly because of gender equality and more women in the workforce. Marriage is now about “finding out what works for two individuals”. (Coontz, film quote) Well, clearly couples are struggling with this. The challenges facing new couples and families was also talked about in the article we read, “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers”, by Philip Cowan and Carolyn Pape Cowan. The main things that cause these new challenges are: 1.) Couples now have less support because modern families live in a more isolated society than in the rural past, 2.) Couples now face more choices, for example, when to have children, whether or not the mother goes back to school or work, will the father take a bigger care-giver role, etc, and 3.) There are new expectations for marriage which create new emotional burdens, for example: relationships are more egalitarian than ever before, many mothers are often employed full-time but still carry the brunt of the care-giving, and traditionalist views often clash with egalitarianism.(Cowan, 263-264) This shows that newlyweds that are looking to start a family are facing new obstacles that are clearly taking a toll on the married population.
With all the bad views towards marriage, there are good things that are happening. In the majority of households of new couples with children, the fathers are playing a more involved role. In 2007, 62% of men surveyed reported that couples should equally share household tasks and that it was very important for maintaining a successful marriage; this is up from 47% in 1990. (Sullivan, 394) This shows how gender equality is slowly but surely happening. Another huge change that is directly related to the previous statistic is that womens time spent on housework has been reduced over the years.(Sullivan, 400). These are all signs that point the way to gender equality in marriages. Another good thing that is happening is couples can get divorces easier than in the past. Many people may criticize this but in many cases, if not all, divorces is the best option. The fact of the matter is that it is far better, especially for the children, for failed marriages to end in a divorce than to continue a miserable lifestyle. In fact, children of distressed marriages are far more likely to have problems with their mental health and behavior in a distressed family than in a divorced family.( Rutter. 163) So it is good that people are getting divorces now so they do not have to remain locked in dead end and harmful marriage.
Additional information: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2032116,00.html. This is a link to a Times Magazine article, “Who Needs Marriage?, A Changing Institution”. It talks about the same things that have been addressed in the movie we watched and some of the articles we read. The theme of a changing institution of marriage continues on in this article.
Personal Response: I think everyone has to agree that marriage is changing and that it is a difficult task. However, the thing I picked up on the most is that everyone has a different view of marriage. In the film we watched I saw this. For example, every couple was different and had different views on how to maintain a successful marriage. I believe the answer lies in what Stephanie Coontz saide, “Marriage is now about finding out what works for two individuals”. Everyone is different so everyones relationship will be too.
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers.” Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281.
Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families as They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407. Print
The articles we read for class and the film “After Happily Ever After” allude to both the changes that have occurred in marriages contributed to the ever growing gender roles that exist between men and women of married families. The main themes prevalent in the articles and the film demonstrate how the family is a complex institution that changes throughout time. Marriage is seen in both a positive and negative light. Many of the people who get married, approximately 50% end up in divorce out of 90% of people who want to get married (After Happily Ever After). There are many contributors to the affects of marriage on families. The articles, “The Case of Divorce,” “Men’s Changing Contribution to Work” and “New Families” expand on these factors.
The article titled “The Case of Divorce” describes how children are the sole figures who get impacted the worst when the parents remain in a distressed married. Children of families who are distressed are at greater risks of an array of problems and difficulties (Rutter, 161). Rutter further states that “when parents divorce, children have already been subject to their distressed married…the consequences of remaining in a distressed marriage for children as well as for adults are myriad and long-lived” (161). The divorce in a sense becomes the best way for all members of a family to not feel distressed. The conflicts and disturbances between the parents is eliminated via divorce as explained by Rutter, this in turn, is better off and more beneficial for the children, if any children, in the family. Corresponding with the article by Rutter, the film “After Happily Ever After” alludes to the way in which marriages can be kept and why a marriage lasts. The changes that occur in marriage are important in understanding how gender roles contribute to the way in which people view marriage and view divorce as an “easy way our” of their misery and distress. I can personally agree with this because I have noted that in my family, my aunt and uncle did not divorce. Instead they decided to stay together. This caused a plethora of issues with their children in addition to a number of negative effects that aroused from remaining in the distressed family together.
The film “After Happily Ever After” is a documentary in which a women, Kate, is on the search to figure out why marriages last and searches for a plan of success to marriages by interviewing older couples who have remained married. The interviews that Kate conducted proved that there are different contributors to why marriage works and how it may not work. The hidden message to why marriage lasts is if there is love, compassion, trust, and compromise (After Happily Ever After). The need for effective communication, mutual understanding, and risks at some point in life point to why some marriages succeed and others do not. When one person in the relationship is not thinking as a partnership distressing and problems may arise (After Happily Ever After). The film suggests that marriage is a bi-partisanship and it should be treated in that way. I believe this based on what the couples interviewed responded and based on the stories that the couples recounted as they were interviewed. his film in addition to the articles “Men’s Changing Contribution to Work” and “New Families” demonstrate how there is change in marriage and compliment how there have been magnificent gender role changes that contribute to couples staying married and couples divorcing.
Additionally, the article “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers” takes a closer look on the changes and differences that have existed in parenthood with time. It describes the many different relationships that may be distorted, altered, and negatively affected when there is not a balance between the married couple when it comes to parenting. The section focuses on how the changes associated with becoming a family and becoming married “increase the risk that husbands and wives will experience increased marital dissatisfaction and strain after they become parents” (Cowan and Cowan, 270-271). In accordance to this, the article “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work” describes the gradual steps of a snail of men’s contribution to family life. This includes the amount of time in which fathers spend with their children playing and which they do housework. Research concludes that “men’s contribution has increased from just under 30% in 1975 to 37% by the start of the 21st century” (Sullivan, 397). This gradual increase shows how marriage has become more egalitarian as well, contradicting to the other articles stated above that suggests divorce is best when families do not compromise or the parents cannot get along. This demonstrates how changes in gender roles contribute to different types of dynamics for a number of families.
I enjoyed reading “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work” the most amongst all of the articles that we had to read. The reason being because it reminds me of how my family is structured and who does what in my household. It practically mirrored the way in which little by little my father has taken on a different gender role than what is perceived to be his role as the breadwinner. My father helps around the house approximately five hours a day depending on how his schedule looks; he always has time for my siblings and I without hesitation or complaints either. However, this may also be a factor because my family is Latino and we are very close nit.
The links above, both, are episodes from the sitcom “My Wife and Kids.” In these two episodes, the father is left with his children at home while the mother is on a business trip from work. The articles we read reminded me of this television show because most of the conversations, interactions, positive and negative ones, that occur with the children are mainly through the father not the mother. They demonstrate the shift in gender roles between the mother and the father. Nonetheless, the father is employed; however, he spends much more time with the kids than the children spend with their mother. It goes as far as alluding to the father being pregnant with the youngest daughter. It is a great show to laugh at but also a great show to demonstrate the gradual increase in ever changing gender roles in the family.
Christie Merrick
Sociology of the Family
Traditional gender roles may not seem so “typical” anymore. What does typical mean? Does the meaning of typical change from decade to decade, or even every few years? The traditional roles of the family consist of the male being the bread-winner of the home and the wife basically working for everybody else and doing the chores. However, this has been changing over a long period of time. Many people have constituted longitudinal studies to prove that these societal norms are no longer appearing in our society today and they have succeeded.
In Risman’s “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work,” it is shown how the roles of husband and wife are not as clearly defined as they used to be. (397). Sometimes, the husband may perform some of the tasks the wife would do in a traditional family, using the word traditional meaning a family from the 1950’s. Times have changed. We cannot compare families in today’s society to those over fifty years ago. Fifty years ago life was not as much a competition as it is now and there was not as much of a struggle to get ahead. Parents weren’t spending so much money on things such as college or cars and insurance. Now, both parents have to work their entire lives in order to hopefully raise enough money to send their children to college. A lot of the time, the money raised isn’t even enough. Thankfully, the role of a mother has changed as well which has helped families economically. When both parents are able to work, even if it is part-time, that is still more money flowing through the home. This may relieve some feelings of stress or not being able to keep up. Although fathers do not spend a large number of hours with their kids than they used to, it is still a stepping stone and one that is helping many families out.
Another article that we read, “The Case for Divorce” points out how children in high-conflict, distressed families are worse-off than those whose parents choose to get a divorce. If parents can get a civil divorce and both remain a part of the child’s life, this will be better off for the child in the long run. After there may be many issues, some lying even deeper than the marriage itself, a couple may file for divorce and this will be a better decision for their family as a whole. (161).
In the documentary “Happily Ever After,” a crucial statistic is made in the beginning which caught my attention. Ninety percent of Americans get married, however fifty percent of these people end up getting divorced. In this documentary, a newly wed couple goes around seeking the “secret” to a successful marriage. With answers such as “sex,” “compromise,” and “not being able to imagine your life without the other person,” (film) they were eventually left with no definite answer. The answer to a successful marriage does not lie in a textbook somewhere. However, two people must have certain feelings for each other and be willing to work everything out.
Marriage and divorce are topics that will always be widely controversial. Some people claim that people should not get married at such young ages because they are only setting themselves up for divorce, however many older, wiser people are getting divorces too. When a couple files for a divorce, it is not an easy choice. I think this must be noticed by the population.
Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
A reoccurring theme throughout these articles and documentary is the realization that marriages, woman and their roles have changed over the years. The documentary “After Happily Ever After” started off with a very strong statistic. This statistic was that ninety percent of people in the United States get’s married but half of them will end in divorce (After Happily Ever After). The interesting thing about this documentary was that they interviewed people from all around the world and not just the United States but an even more interesting part about this documentary was that the people making the movie where actually married themselves. The marriage of the creators of this movie was failing itself instead of finding the secret to how to have a long marriage. Every interviewee had a different reason for having a long marriage work. They did say that the reason that marriages aren’t lasting today is because in the olden days marriage was about getting good in-laws and today marriage is about everybody has the right to find their own spouse (After Happily Ever After). Years ago you may have an arranged marriage or picked a partner to please their families. Today people are a lot more independent especially woman. In the 1950’s the males were the breadwinners who went to work and provided for their family while the females were the homemakers who cooked and cleaned. In today’s age people have high aspirations for marriage, equal respect for their spouses and looks for what will work for these two individuals. The roles have also changed since the 1950’s because back then the housewife’s would specialize in cooking from scratch and sewing just to name a few. Today woman are working more and you can by clothes at Wal-Mart that are cheaper to buy then you making them at home. There is no need for “Susie-homemaker” anymore. Many women are also extremely independent and career driven.
Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work shows that even though women are still doing most of the family work, men are contributing more then in the past. New research as shown that “men are doing significantly more, both domestic work and particularly, of child care” and 62% of respondents ranked “sharing household tasks” as very important for a successful marriage”(Sullivan, 394). There as been the development of the” new father” or the “involved father”. These are “fathers who participate to greater degrees in caring for children, as opposed to only filling the traditional breadwinner role” (Sullivan, 396), this as increased 20% from the 1970s. This article shows that the gender roles are changing and become equal through men and woman.
This change is also shown in New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers. Throughout this article they talked about woman, marriages and the changes over the past couple of decades. In today’s society woman are more likely to work and also have children unlike a couple of decades ago where more woman would stay home with their children till they were grown or at least to a decent age. Today “4.5% of woman voluntarily remain forever childless”(Cowan), where it was 2.2% in 1980. Couples have a lot more options these days, such as when to have children, the ability for the wife to go back to work and men taking larger roles then in the past. Abby and Mark where excited to have a baby and Mark always said he would do his part when the baby was born but when Lizzie arrived he took the excuse that he was busy at work and couldn’t get up at night for the baby. Many women feel trapped at home when they have children. They never leave the house and feel like they can’t relate to other people anymore. This then leads some woman to depression. “In America, 50% of mothers of very young children remain at home after having a baby and more than half return to work within the first year. Woman are more career driven but are also faced with the obstacle of working, raising children and still listening to the people saying that she’s wrong for working or they don’t love their children because they work.
The last article The Case of Divorce relates to this reoccurring theme because of the changing roles of marriage. This article talks about the changing of marriages and the ability for divorce to be easier. It used to be that you were shunned if you got divorced and you should have worked harder at it but divorce in some cases divorce is the best option. Some instances where divorce is the best option are when children are involved. “The worst kind of family for a child to be raised in, in terms of mental health and behavior, was a distressed, married family” (Rutter, 163). Today it is easier to get divorced especially if it is a harmful marriage. This not only benefits you but more importantly your children.
Throughout all the articles and documentary there was consistency always the consistency of the changing in marriages, woman and their roles. Each article talks about each theme in different ways. This shows that there isn’t one way to looks at marriage or the roles of woman, everyone is different and change is inevitable. There is no right or wrong about any of these topics, everyone and every situation is different.
This clip is from the movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It”, the is a great example of the article New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers. In this movie Sara Jessica Parker is a working mothers who is trying to balance her career, marriage and children all at the same time. She doesn’t want to disappoint anyone and try’s to make everything work.
Work Cited:
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers. Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281.
Rutter, Virginia E. The Case for Divorce. Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After”.
Sullivan, Oriel. Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work. Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
Thomas Coffey
This week we looked at two different themes in class. The first was explored
in the movie After Happily Ever After. It followed the journey of a single
divorced mother who was getting married for the second time. She wanted to make
the marriage work and did not want to have this marriage fail as her first one
day. The film was very interesting as the film maker was the women who was going
through her second marriage. Her second husband was the cameraman as they
interviewed all different types of couples about love, marriage, and making it
work. What came up over and over again from couples ranging from an innocent and
elderly couple to a nudist couple was that love was a necessity if a marriage was
to survive. An interesting stat that was mentioned in the film about marriage
was that around ninety percent of Americans will become married and about half,
fifty percent of those marriages will end up in divorce. This seems incredible
to me that fifty percent of American marriages end up in a divorce. What the
women in the film believed to be the cause of her first marriage failing was
that she felt claustrophobic in the relationship. She liked space in her life
from her spouses and felt like she wasn’t getting that space. She promised her
self that she would not let her second marriage end up like her first and would
use what she learned from that failed marriage to make this one work. The couple
had a child (the second for the woman) and it seemed like the couple was truly
in love. In the coming months though she started to feel that same feeling of
being locked in as she did in her first marriage. She was confused because she had a brand new daughter and a loving husband but she was still unhappy. The couple decided to have a divorce and after working together for a year after the divorce they decided to go their separate ways in the work place as well. Her two marriages made her wonder if their was something wrong with her because she could not find happiness in both of her marriages. In the film she completed a questionnaire that rated the compatibility of a couple, in which her and her latest husband failed miserably. While compatibility plays apart of her marriage failing, I believe that maybe some people are not meant to get married. A man interviewed in the film said that not all people should get married because not everyone is meant to be in a monogamous relationship. I agree with the man and is why I believe the divorce rate is so high in America. I think that if more people really evaluated if they were fit for marriage there would be less divorces. Here is an interesting video called “Are you ready for marriage,” I found on YouTube that has some good points about what to think about before you get married.
Works Cited
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After”.
Katelyn Black
Sociology Blog #4
Over time, families and people’s roles in the family have been shifting to different things. In the past, the women were supposed to be the caretakers of the family, stay at home, watch the kids, clean the house, and make the food. The men were supposed to be the ones who brought home the money to support their families. Now, things are all different, and still changing.
In both the articles, “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work,” and “New Families” it discusses how the societal “norms” have changed for some families today, in the 21st century. Women are beginning to join the workforce, and are sometimes potentially making more money than their husbands. This makes cause for men to do more domestic work, and take care of the children as well. A lot of what the article “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work,” discusses is attitudes toward gender equality. Those couples who are more open to this, tend to split domestic work more evenly among each other, this is also more prevalent in couples that are younger, with women who have higher education and are working in the work force (Sullivan 395). “With respect to change in attitudes over time, the majority of research has found that there has been a movement toward a rejection of normatively defined “gender expectations” in the home” (Sullivan 395). The article also goes into depth about how the image of “masculinity” is changing, and that men are supposed to be more of the caring father figure, who spends time with his children then the one who just brings the money home. This is going to continue to show throughout the years with women getting higher education. Once this happens they are going to want to keep up with their jobs and not stay at home because they could possibly be making more than their spouse or partner. The article, “New Families” talked about a couple that both had great jobs and were focused on their careers when they suddenly were expecting a child. They were happy about it but did not realize all of the struggles they would have to face to come. There are so many different relationships that go into have a children, you need to balance your relationship with your partner, with the child, grandparents, etc. This is a very big step for a lot of couples, although couples go about having children in different ways. 50% of couples are planners when it comes to having a child, they decide when would be the best time to do so based on jobs, income, where they are living (Cowan 272). This is half of couples that have children because of the contraception we have today, and how people, especially women, look at life today. Women are more involved in their jobs and their careers than ever before in the past because they are making more money with the education they are obtaining. Therefore, couples plan when would be the best time to have a child to work around their schedules and make sure they have the appropriate income to do so. The other 50% of the population is split up in three ways, 15% is the acceptance of fate couples, they got pregnant unplanned but were pleased about it, 15% are the ambivalent couples, went back and forth about being ready to have a baby when they were already expecting, and the last 15% are the yes-no-couples had disagreements about pregnancy but never would admit to it (Cowan 272). There are so many different ways people go about getting pregnant or look at pregnancy because of the society today, and how men and women are perceived in their different family roles. Some couples plan to get pregnant based on the women’s work schedule because the man is the one who will be staying home to take care of the child, while the woman goes into work and make the money. Society is changing no matter what, especially since back in the day when contraception’s weren’t as prompt, and women were not being educated like men. Therefore they had children right away because that was their duty.
One thing that is increasing in family life, or couples is the percentage of divorce rates. In the article “The Case for Divorce,” and the documentary After, Happily ever After, divorce rates were discussed, using both percentages and outcomes of divorces. The movie, After, Happily Ever After, stated, “90% of people in the U.S. will marry, 50% will end in divorce” (Schermerhorn). This is a large percentage of marriages ending. One of the main concerns that the article discusses is the impact divorce has on children. When there is stress between the parents, it causes stress on the children as well. When partners argue they tend to take it out on their children as well and it is not healthy. Although no one truly wants to get divorced, it is better to be divorced for the children’s sake, than to be together and miserable. It makes their lives easier and happier because the two parents are happier apart. Although taking the step to get a divorce is in the right direction for most families, the documentary discussed how divorce is not always the right decision, and that it can be avoided by doing the right things. The documentary interviewed several successful couples, of many years, and asked them how they made it work. They all described that marriage takes a lot of work, but you are most efficient when you are married to someone. They believed that people should be married because they are in love, not because they are pregnant and they think it is the right thing to do. Although most of the couples agreed in this documentary, marriage can be different for everyone. One couple stated that they wanted to have their individuality along with being a whole, whereas another couple stated that they wanted to do everything together and they thought it was weird not to do things together. The documentary said a lot of percentages based on problems that couples face, 69% of problems couples that are married face are perpetual problems (can be fixed), whereas 31% are solvable (Schermerhorn). The best advice they give is to “marry someone that you can deal with, you get mad at them then you get over it” (Schermerhorn). Marriage takes a lot of work but it is something that can be positive, and the number of divorce rates should not be so high because people should be able to work at them to make their marriages better, not just opt for the choice that they have which is divorce.
We can learn that family’s roles are going to continue to shift, and that in order to make a marriage work you need to have compromise no matter what.
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip and Carolyn Pape Cowan. “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers.” Family in Transition. Sixteenth Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281. Print.
Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
Diana Susino
Blog #4
It is evident that the idea of a traditional marriage can no longer be defined. Finding a suitable partner is based on many more characteristics than just upbringing. There are many common themes that weave these articles and the documentary together. The articles, “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work” and “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers,” both discuss the changing roles of men and women within the marriage. On the contrary, the article “The Case for Divorce” and documentary, “After Happily Ever After” discuss why some marriages work and others fail. Both the changing of gender roles, as well as the impact of divorce is altered when children are involved. All show that each marriage is complex and that many factors contribute to the success and failures.
While years ago it was the wife’s job to be domestic while the husband went to work, this is not the case today. In the past, marriage was more so about marrying into a family, but now marriage is more about the wants and needs of the two people involved. Gender equality is continuing to gain acceptance among men and women. In a 2007 national opinion poll, 62% of respondents ranked, “sharing household tasks” as very important for a successful marriage, up from 47% in a similar poll from 1990 (Sullivan, 394). Men and women are realizing that sharing responsibilities is positively contributing to the success of their marriage. Although women still do more housework than men, men are realizing that sharing these tasks is important.
Roles have continued to shift once children are added into the picture. A whole new way of life must be decided on. Questions like who will do the housework now that there’s a baby to take care of, how will the child be raised and who will make the childcare decisions are now brought up (Cowan, 279). This can cause serious strain on a marriage. Every role changes now that there is another part of the family to be taken care of.
Not only do gender roles impact marriages, but so does the concept of divorce. Throughout the documentary, “After Happily Ever After,” the filmmaker searches for reasons why some marriages succeed while others fail. The documentary discusses the beginning fundamentals behind marriage. It began from the basis of religion, from the Christians specifically and followed the idea of “til death do us part” (Schermerhorn). I found it interesting that another commentator stated, “Divorce has become so mainstream, it has undermined what it’s like to be in a committed marriage” (Schermerhorn). From the day you say “I do”, until death is a really long time and I agree that because the option of divorce is so readily available some people may view marriage as something they can get into and out of easily. That idea that the commitment can be somewhat temporary may be a contributing factor to why some marriages fail.
Like the changing gender roles, divorce can have more of an impact once children are involved. Each of the different studies measure the impact that divorce has on children’s developmental and behavior skills. One common theme was resilience (Rutter, 161). Although a certain percentage of children are negatively affected by divorce, others are fine. This article argues that in some cases, divorce is better for the family than staying married. Divorce is often more avoided when there are children are involved, because parents want to stay together for the children, but this can end up hurting more than helping.
Stephanie Coontz said, “For the first time in one thousand years, marriage is not only about love, but about equal respect of men and women” (Schermerhorn). These issues are new because marriage is changing. Love is important, but so is respecting your partner. Decisions must involve outcomes that are best for both the man and the woman, not just one individually. I feel like men and women are still getting married because they are in love, but other factors such as ability to compromise and handle responsibility are necessary as well. In this video, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nsl5BlbqaGI&feature=related), Stephanie Coontz discusses that those marriages with strict gender roles are most at risk. Those that share the responsibility have a better chance of staying married.
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers. Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 279.
Rutter, Virginia E. The Case for Divorce. Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 161.
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After”.
Sullivan, Oriel. Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work. Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 394.
Through the past few decades, roles in the family have started to change and people have started to realize that there are effects that come with these changes. The stereotypical family has a mother who is a stay at home mother who cooks, cleans and takes care of the children and other household chores. The father, who goes out to work everyday and makes the money and comes home to the wife’s cooking and sees the kids for a portion of the day. In modern time, fathers are starting to help out more around the house and some fathers are even becoming stay at home fathers while their wives are off in the business world making money to support the family. These issues also are tied into the steadiness of marriages.
The documentary started out saying that 90% of people will get married in their lifetime and 50% of those marriages will end in a divorce. I believe that all of the articles read in class could be a reason for this occurrence. The documentary showed all the different marriages that have succeeded, whether it was 10 years or 60, and they seem to have very traditional lives. The changing in gender roles in society today could be a reason for the divorce rating being so high. The gender roles took a turn between the years of 1660 and 2000. In the article written by Oriel Sullivan, it says, “Only 18 percent of women with a child under six were employed outside the home in 1960, according to the 2000 census, approximately 55 percent of women with a child under one now work at least part time.”(236) Since women have been choosing to have kids less and less voluntarily, it has made room for them to have jobs because they do not have to worry about taking care of a family. Families have been struggling to find ways to balance out the tasks of home life, which leads to arguments all the time between the mother and father. These lesser fights lead to larger fights that end up destructing lives at home. According to the article, “The Case for Divorce,” it is sometimes better for the kids that the parents get a divorce instead of stay together. When parents constantly fight, it creates a hostile environment; when parents divorce, the home environment becomes much less tense. These studies show that divorce can sometimes be a good thing, not only for the kids but for the parents as well. It shows that sometimes the parents can even be happier coming out of a marriage. Couples who fight say they stay in their relationships for the kids, but sometimes it’s best to get the divorce than fight all the time.
I personally believe that now that gender roles have changed there are more expectations for men to do more work. I feel that most fights happen because someone isn’t doing their role in the house. With expectations changing all the time, men and women start to find it difficult who should do what in the family. Expectations of the changing gender roles provide too much stress for couples today.
I chose this video because it shows a family with a system that works with the new gender roles. I believe that if people adjust like this family, the divorce rates in America and the world would be different.
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers.” Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281. Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169. Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After. Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
Elora Benfer
Blog #4
In the articles and video we watched this week, I found one reoccurring topic which was the change in women’s and men’s roles in the family. What I found was that the men’s role in the household chores was slowly increasing and the women’s role in the workforce was increasing greatly. I thought that because women’s roles were changing greatly that men’s would also. As women became more involved in the work force, one would expect that men would help contribute around the house more. “For twenty years, research studies concluded that men’s contribution to family work barely changes at a time when women were increasingly joining the work-force. (Sullivan 393)” Clearly, I thought wrong.
So I asked why is men’s contribution not increasing as much? Because of social norms the man of the household is seen as the head of the household, a big macho man that can pay for his family. The woman is seen as a cooker, a cleaner, and her main obligations are taking care of the children and making sure dinner is on the table by the time the man is home. Sullivan explains the reason for women changing is because women have stopped “doing gender” but becoming “gender conscious.” (Sullivan 399) This is seen through the many women that have stepped out of the home and into the workforce.
In the video we watched many of the older couple argue that marriage is work and not all just fun and games. Both members of the family have to work together doing housework if they want to have a successful marriage. Many couples aren’t doing that these days and that is why there are so many divorces in this country. John Gottman said “it is that a lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship. Many couples tend to equate a low level of conflict with happiness and believe the claim “we never fight” is a sign of marital health. But I believe we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences. That’s how we become more loving people and truly experience the fruits of marriage.”
I believe that if men contributed to the household chores more that it would help lessen the divorce rate. By them just helping out at least doing one chore, it could help save the relationship because there would be less stress on the women. In the YouTube clip below it says that relationships are based on good communication. It says that the ability to be able to sit down and work through all the problems is necessary. In ending, good marriages are based on communication and the man stepping up and doing more household chores.
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers. Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 279.
Rutter, Virginia E. The Case for Divorce. Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 161.
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After”.
Sullivan, Oriel. Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work. Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 394.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/what-makes-marriage-work
A common theme throughout the film, “After Happily Ever After,” and the 3 articles we read, “Men’s Changing Contributions to Family Work,” “New Families,” and “The case for Divorce” is marriage and the changes that have taken place in the past three decades. A family begins when two people decide to get married, however, marriage is becoming to easily broken today, that people have forgotten what marriage is for. Marriage use to be the husband would go off to work all day and the woman would remain at home as the “homemaker” taking care of the kids or whatever it is she had to do. Today, the role of “breadwinner” has stretched between both parents.
In Risman’s “Men’s Changing Contributions to Family Work,” research of over twenty years is used to show the difference in men’s housework and childcare. Usually, men do more masculine tasks and women do more feminine tasks. The article states “at the start of the 21st century, the average full time employed American married man with children has increased his contribution to child care by 4 hours a week since the 1970s, and his contribution to other family work by 2 hours a week” (397). Although this increase is not very significant, it still shows some improvement for all the men out there.
This link is an interview with the author of the book “The Lazy Husband” about tips to get men to do more work around the house.
In Risman’s “The Case for Divorce,” illustrates the problems for children that divorce can cause. Children in high-conflict, distressed families are worse-off than those whose parents choose to go through a divorce. If parents can get a divorce politely while both remaining in the child’s life, it would be better for the child. If a divorce is really necessary, a divorce may be better for the family altogether. “Depending upon the timing of divorce, boys and girls have different responses: when boys have problems they tend to “act out”; when girls have problems, they are more likely to become depressed” (161). This is an example of why staying together, if you can civilly, is beneficial to the children.
In the film, “After Happily Ever After,” we learn that 90% of the United States will marry, but 50% of those will end in divorce. The narrator of the film wanted to find out what the “secret” to a happy marriage was. In the 1950’s, again it comes up that the male was the breadwinner and the female was the homemaker. Although this was true, many couples referred to marriage as a “partnership.” One couple even said that we get married because we are more efficient when married and another said people get married because we are afraid of being alone. Today, divorce is so mainstream that we don’t even think of it as a big deal. While the secret to a successful marriage is different in each case, overall, not being able to imagine yourself without the other person trumps them all. It is so adorable to see an old couple holding hands or taking a walk together, and its scary that our generation will probably not end up like that because of the high rate of divorce.
This video is publicizing and adding humor to divorce, making it seem more acceptable. There is a show devoted to finalizing divorces, which just makes divorce seem okay to do.
In Philip Cowan and Carolyn Pape Cowan’s article, “New Families,” they discuss families and their choices to procreate. Cowan and Cowan state that “only 18 percent of women with a child under six were employed outside the home in 1960, according to the 2000 census, approximately 55 percent of women with a child under one now work at least part time” (263). This is a large difference, and shows that today, the roles in the family are changing.
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers.” Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281.
Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After. ”
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
I have found in this class, that a woman seems to be damned no matter what path she chooses in life. If she chooses not to have children and to take the path that leads to advancement in her career, she is seen as a cold-hearted or selfish person. If she decides that she wants to have kids, but wants to stay home with them, then she is seen as a lazy, useless person. Then, if she decides that she wants to have both a job and children, she is both selfish for “abandoning” her children. It’s a lose-lose-lose situation for women today.
Double standards still exist, regardless of the changing attitudes of couples today. Although men are starting to take on a more helpful role in the home, the bulk of the work still belongs to the women, despite the fact that they are involved in the work force in much greater volumes than before. In the article, “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work,” by Oriel Sullivan, we are asked to consider whether to focus “on the fact that women still perform the bulk of domestic labor and child care,” or the “evidence for progressive change in men’s contributions” (394). It is certainly important to recognize the growing level of equality between the genders, but there is still much to be accomplished. As mentioned above, there is a lose-lose-lose situation for women in our society. Women cannot seem to make the correct choice, as there really isn’t one.
The double standard that continues to exist in family life is very upsetting. Sanjiv Gupta’s article, “Women’s Money Matters” states that, “on average, in households where women earn as much or more than their husbands, they actually do more housework, or their husbands do less” (426). Even when a woman has an equal role as a “bread-winner,” she does not benefit from an equal role as home-maker. This is something that must change. Women deserve respect in whatever life that they choose for themselves. There is no “correct” choice.
I have a great amount of respect for mothers. Regardless of the path that they chose, their roles are difficult. My mother spent time both as a stay-at-home mom and as a working mom. She also did the vast majority of the work around the home. She was an excellent role model for me. She did the best that she could, and that is all that anyone can ask of any woman.
http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/video?id=6879634
This video follows a family where the father stays at home. I chose this video because it brought up a point that I wholeheartedly agree with. The family chose to do “whatever made sense” for them. In their case, the father stayed at home. In other cases, it makes sense for a mother to stay home. In others, both need to work. The point is that it doesn’t matter what method parents choose to raise their children. What matters is that the method that they choose is one that works best for their family in their unique situations.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407.
Gupta, Sanjiv. “Briefing Paper: Women’s Money Matters.” Families as the Really Are (2010): 426-29. Print.
Blog #4
The family structure in the United States has shifted variously throughout the years causing negative and positive effects. Since the 1970s, women and men have been changing roles on matters of work, household labor, and childcare. People have usually assumed in earlier years that women only do the household chores and all of the childcare while the men work all day and provide the family income. Also, in certain articles that we have read, we learn that these roles are changing and the means of divorce are becoming a common part of relationships in today’s society.
In Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work by Oriel Sullivan, we see that since the 1970s, men have been more active in their family’s life. Earlier, you would see men barely making any effort in any role of household work and childcare. The women would have to have dinner on the table and the children all cleaned by the time her husband got home. “Overall, he now does six hours a week of childcare and ten hours a week of other family work (Sullivan 397.)”
In the one article that we read for class, New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers by Philip Cowan and Carolyn Pape Cowan, they discuss how in today’s culture families have been strained from one another. In both New Families and Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work, it is clear that women are working more than they have in the past as well as balancing a family. We learn that these women have been going back to work sooner after they gave birth. As well as men, juggling work and spending time with their family, which could ultimately become a serious issue in a marital relationship.
Also, in The Case of Divorce by Virginia E. Rutter, and in the movie After Happily Ever After, it is shown that divorce can release a strong level of stress on the parents. The narrator informed us that it was very difficult going through it, however afterwards she felt that she could finally be herself and not be tied down. In The Case of Divorce, research shows that divorce makes people feel better in a similar way that the ending of a pain or illness makes them feel better. It depends on how a divorce is handle, whether it was in control and ending abruptly.
In these articles, the contradiction I have noticed that even though the men have increased their work activity in the household, the rate of divorce is at it’s highest today. I would assume that since the men in these relationships have been contributing more that they would last longer. In the movie we watched in class, After Happily Ever After, the director is in search in what makes a marriage last and what is the ultimate secret. We learn that there is no clear answer to the secret of a successful marriage, because ever marriage is different as well as people’s characteristics. Various couples throughout the film gave their different inputs on how their marriage works. Not all marriages work out, as seen by the narrator (who was on her second divorce), it takes different types of love and tolerance between two people. I believe that it is important to have a strong friendship and well communication prior to become fully committed in a marriage.
Sources:
Cowan, Philip, Cowan, Carolyn Pape. New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers. Family in Transition. 16th Edition. New York: 2011. 279.
Rutter, Virginia E. The Case for Divorce. Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 161.
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After”.
Sullivan, Oriel. Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work. Families As They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 394.
“The Break Up”
Sociology Blog 4
After watching “After Happily Ever After” documentary in class and reading Risman’s articles, we can deduct the configuration of the American family is changing and revolutionizing. In “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work”, Risman highlights the historical variations in men’s house work today compared to 1970. On the other hand, Kate Schermerhorn’s documentary, explores the true meaning behind marriage and the necessary tools needed to have be successful at a long-term relationship.
In Risman’s article, men have increased their hours of housework and child caring by over 7% in the last thirty years. The changing roles of gender principles, and individualism have lead to a social alteration and an increased equality between men and women chores (Risman). As feminism and media images become gradually more popular, the idea of the “stays at home mom” becomes a less favorite position. Political, social and environmental factors all affect the “gender relations and practices in the domestic sphere”(Risman). In the last thirty years we can conclude that it has been more than man’s increased effort in housework that has changed the American family structure. Combined with social and political movements, our culture has become more comfortable with the idea of woman and man participating in full time work. These new values melt away the old stigma of gender roles.
“After Happily Ever After” explores the secrets of long term marriages, the difficulties of finding the “one” and the increased popularity of divorce. In our country around 90% of people will marry, and of those 90% , 50% will end up divorced(Schermerhorn). Throughout the film, couples share stories on their definition of “true love”, the right age to marry and the concept of divorce. Experts in the film explained the health benefits of having a loving couple for a long time. Men and women agreed that the basis of marriage is compromise and having the ability to let the other spouse to be independent. Compared to the Risman article, the documentary discussed the importance of sharing roles and “needing” the other spouse as a form of support in the marriage. Families thrive on a foundation of a man and woman with a strong sense of self and ability to split work equally.
Cootz believes that marriage today is about love while back in history it was about an agreement of power struggle. Today’s marriage allows for too many options and causes a tremendous paradox. The same characteristics that make marriage a strong institution cause it to be a crappy relationship. A solid relationship based on negotiation, compromise and “true love” leads to a weak marriage/institution.
Extra Link:
This CBS interview explains the changing role of men and women within intimate relationships. Also explains men’s inability to deal with women’s growing social and political power in the work force.
Work Cited
Sullivan, Oriel, and B. Risman. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families As They Really Are (2010): 392-403. Print.
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After”.
Matthew Eliseo
Sociology of the Family
We have seen many changes in the gender roles of families across the nation. Usually, the women were seen as housewives who were responsible for the cooking, cleaning, and general housekeeping chores while the men were the ones who went out, worked, and brought home the money. Although this still holds some truth in our society today, it has been shown that society is moving to an equal sharing of household responsibilities. Although there has not been a large significant change, the gender roles are becoming less structured and more malleable than before. Because of this, the “social norm” is becoming something that is harder to define.
In the article by Philip Cowan and Carolyn Pape Cowan New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers, it is discussed how the times are changing from generation to generation. They gathered data and have concluded that “the transition to parenthood presents different and more confusing challenges for modern couples creating families than it did for parents in earlier times” (263). A good example of this would be the percentage of women that had a job when they were starting a family. Cowan and Pape said that “only 18 percent of women with a child under six were employed outside the home in 1960, according to the 2000 census, approximately 55 percent of women with a child under one now work at least part time” (263). This is also reflected in another article by Oriel Sullivan in “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work”, where it states that “while women still continue to do more family work than their partners, convergence has been significant, with the result that the total amount of work contributed by men and women in two parent dual earner families- including paid work as well as unpaid family work- is now virtually identical” (393-394). This proves that the gender roles are definitely changing. When the men were considered the breadwinners back in the 1960’s, there was no need for women to go out and get jobs. In the modern day, however, women go out and get jobs to support their family and don’t solely rely on the man to do all the work.
Because we are having such a hard time in this modern day society figuring out these gender roles, it is no surprise that the divorce rate is rather high. Since the roles are undefined, there seems to be less structure so many couples don’t know what to do with their marriage and how to maintain a happy one. In the documentary, “Happily Ever After,” a statistic is shown right at the beginning to catch the attention of the viewers. 90 percent of people in the US will get married, and out of that 90 percent, 50 percent will end up getting a divorce. This is a startling statistic because half of marriages will end up failing. However, getting a divorce can be seen as a better alternative to staying together, especially when there is a child involved. According to the article “The Case For Divorce” by Virginia Rutter, it is much better for the child if the parents just get a divorce. This causes less tension and a lower level of stress for the children.
Overall, it is tough to gauge where our generation will take the gender roles in marriage. It is clear that it is slowly but surely changing. As seen in this satirical video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w, we can see just how women were seen back in the early 1900s and how much our views and social standards have changed. As someone stated in the documentary, it may take a very long time for Americans to redefine our image of gender roles and how to make them successful in a marrage.
Works Cited:
Cowan, Philip and Carolyn Pape Cowan. “New Families: Modern Couples as New Pioneers.” Family in Transition. Sixteenth Edition. New York: 2011. 261-281.
Print.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families as They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407. Print.
Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. “After Happily Ever After”.
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w
The main theme throughout the articles is how to maintain a stable and lasting marriage. The topics discussed in the article “Men’s changing contribution to family work” focuses on the slight increase of the input men contribute in the household. Another article “The case for divorce” discusses the reasons for divorce and how it has increased in today’s society. In the documentary After Happily Ever After focuses on trying to find out the secret of how to keep a marriage.
In the “Men’s changing contribution to family work” concentrates on how men has increased their input but it hasn’t really improved as much. The women in the household now have jobs in corporations and men have increased their hours helping around in the house. With the women changing in society it allows for equality throughout the household which brings the topic of Divorce because some marriages don’t last due to stress. The article also mentions a new type of man, the new father which is the man in the household becoming more involved with his children and helping his wife with household chores. The article also mentions that this is a slow change because men may be helping around the house but they are still choosing “man” chores which are considered not that big of a change.
90 percent of people marry but half of the marriages end in divorce. Marriage in the past was different than in today’s society based on the roles of the men and women in the household. Women were expected to be housewife’s while men were expected to be the breadwinners. Men were also seen as the man of the household and the one that makes all the decisions. In today’s society women can choose their role in the household and men are usually the same but this change may cause tension between spouses which lead to divorce. Many people feel that the reason divorce has increased so much throughout the years because people aren’t viewing marriage as highly as much and they know that they have an escape out of marriages.
In the documentary, couples are interviewed about what they feel about marriage and how they make it last. The documenter has had a failed marriage and ended up getting marriage for a second chance hoping for a lasting relationship. She was working on this documentary with her second husband. Throughout the documentary you can see the changes and the dysfunction between their relationship and seeing a marriage dissolve. She mentions that she felt claustrophobic during the relationship and felt that she wanted to escape plenty of times. She interviewed many different types of couples of different ages and backgrounds but the overall theme of the couples was that marriage can sometimes be “work” which can stress certain couples out and they escape their relationships by getting divorced.
I found a video about Michelle and Jim Duggar answering the question of what is the secret to a healthy marriage. They are very religious but they state very good points that both spouses should not be selfish when in a marriage and should think about their significant other. Michelle mentions that being a mother of 18 children is hard work and how she sometimes needs alone time. Jim helps out with household chores which do not stress her out as much. This shows that religion may also play an important role but to for a healthy marriage helping out and thinking about the other spouse is an important factor.
I agree with these articles about the marriage and how it is changing with the men becoming more involved in the house work. Also that the people aren’t getting married at an early age and some families are becoming a planner which is good. Overall, the one factor I got from reading all the articles was that you shouldn’t be selfish when in a relationship if you want it to work.
Rutter, Virginia E. “The Case for Divorce.” Families As They Really Are. B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010 159-169.
Schermerhorn, Kate. After Happily Ever After.
Sullivan, Oriel. “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work.” Families as They Really Are.” B. Riseman. New York: Norton: 2010. 393-407. Print
Kara Battaglia
Blog # 4
The articles “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work,” “The Case for Divorce,” “New Families,” and the documentary, After Happy Ever After, all pertain to issues regarding marriage. Common themes are how the institution of marriage has evolved throughout the decades and another theme was how this can either enhance or destroy a marriage.
“Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work,” by Oriel Sullivan discusses how there has been a significant increase in men’s contributions to housework and childcare over the past forty years. The author says, “With respect to change in attitudes over time, the majority of research has found that there has been a movement toward rejection of normatively defined ‘gender expectations’ in the home” (Sullivan, 395). She also says that images of men in the media may have contributed to this, by depicting fathers as caring and involved, rather than just the breadwinner. Cowan and Cowan’s “New Families” also discusses how marriage today is different than it was years ago due to various factors. They say, “Strained economic conditions and the shifting ideology about appropriate roles for mothers and fathers pose new challenges for these new pioneers whose journey will lead them though unfamiliar terrain” (Cowan and Cowan, 198). They go on to discuss how the fact that today couples have more choice about whether and when to have children, how couples live father away from their families, how men and women’s family roles are changing, etc., all contribute problems than modern couples may face. These problems may lead to the growing divorce rate in our country. “The Case for Divorce” by Virginia Rutter, however, emphasizes how divorce can be a positive thing for couples who cannot get past the struggles. She says, “ In particular, research shows that there are negative health consequences to remaining in a distressed marriage” (Rutter, 159). She goes on to discuss when divorce might be healthier for the couple and the children and cause more happiness for all involved.
Some common themes in the articles are how marriage is much different today than it was years ago. A lot of this change has to do with men and women’s changing family roles. However, a contradiction is that “Men’s Changing Contribution to Family Work” emphasizes the positives of this change, while “New Families” discusses how this change can negatively influence a marriage. They say, “ Arlie Hochschild notes that working mothers come home to a ‘second shift.’ She describes vividly couples’ struggle with contradictions between the values of egalitarianism and traditionalism, and between egalitarian ideology and the constraints of modern family life. As husbands and wives struggle with these issues, they often become adversaries” (Cowan and Cowan, 199).
The documentary, After Happily Ever After, explored what it takes to stay happily married. It showed that people have many different beliefs on what is important in a marriage. Ironically, the filmmaker and her second husband ended up divorcing. This documentary pertained to the article, “The Case for Divorce” because she explained how much happier and calmer her and her children’s lives were after the divorce. Before we watched the documentary, I happened to watch a clip on AOL about this documentary. I included the link, which is of the filmmaker Kate Schermerhorn discussing the film and marriage in general.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/29/after-happily-ever-after-_n_1311746.html
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